It’s not that I don’t think Uggs are incredibly comfortable boots. It’s just that I view them as the fashion equivalent of outdoor bedroom slippers. I know there are a lot of women who love Uggs, and I have nothing against their choice of footwear, but I prefer not to blend in with the girls in middle school, or to look I have bear paws for feet, or look like I could live in an igloo and go by the name “Nanook.”
Since I am a very busy suburban mom who is too busy driving my kids to activities and getting my family's whites their brightest white to go out shopping for clothes, I do most of my shopping on the Web at home. In addition to trolling the Net, I get daily e-mail alerts about online sales for brands that I have requested. Then one day I got two event invitations that left me speechless. They were for a big Ugg giveaway. I found this surprising because I actually take pride in my Ugglessness and had not registered for any Ugg alerts. It’s not that I don’t think they are incredibly comfortable boots. It’s just that I view them as the fashion equivalent of outdoor bedroom slippers. I know there are a lot of women who love Uggs, and I have nothing against their choice of footwear, but I prefer not to blend in with the girls in middle school, or to look I have bear paws for feet, or look like I could live in an igloo and go by the name “Nanook.”
Yes, it’s true - I am a footwear snob. I have no right to be because I have ridiculously flat feet and given the choice, will almost always choose comfort over style. However, there are a few suburban trends I will just not give in to. One is driving a minivan. And the other is wearing Uggs.
Of course, resolutions are made to be broken, such as the one I made to lose all the baby weight I put on before the kids went off to college. But I was pretty determined not to give in to this boot thing and become a Hobbit from the calves down.
Now, my daughter has a number of pairs of Uggs because she likes them and she is 13 and so that is fine. The problem, however, is not that she has lots of Uggs, but that she leaves her Uggs everywhere. At any point there could be a pair of Uggs in every room, which makes it convenient for her to always have a pair at her disposal - and for me to always have a pair to trip over. In our house, this is known as The Ugg Wars, and it has raged on for about three Ugg-filled years. I yell at her to put them away, which she does for about two days, and then they end up in the middle of the floor in every room again.
Anyway, one morning after everyone had left for work and school, I was schluffing around the house in my bathrobe when I saw the garbage truck coming down the street. I suddenly realized that no one had taken the cans down to the corner and we had a lot of garbage to get rid of. Looking around for something to put on my feet, my eyes fell on a pair of my daughter’s Uggs. Since our feet are only one size apart, I jammed my feet into her Uggs and went blasting out of the house. As I flew down the driveway in my bathrobe and her Uggs with two garbage cans trailing behind me, I was oblivious to my violation of outdoor clothing etiquette. I reached the end of the driveway just as the garbage truck pulled up.
Triumphant in my emergency garbage taking-out abilities, I stood with my hands on my hips and waved to the sanitation employees.
They raised their hands in return, emptied the cans, and got on the back of the truck. Then, as the truck started to pull away, one of them yelled out, “Hey, nice outfit!”
I looked down at my hideous bathrobe and Ugg-clad feet and said the only thing that made sense.
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