God bless America, and how's everybody?
Rush Limbaugh lost Legal Zoom as a show sponsor Tuesday in his contraception flap with Democrats. It's owned by L.A. attorney Robert Shapiro. You know it's not your day when the lawyer who got O.J. Simpson acquitted thinks you've been too disrespectful of women.
President Obama consoled Sandra Fluke Sunday about Rush Limbaugh's rant on her for demanding taxpayer-paid condoms. It's a controversial subject. Half of America wants to be protected by Barack Obama while the other half want to be protected from Barack Obama.
Rush Limbaugh called law student Sandra Fluke a slut for seeking free contraception Tuesday. He said she should post sex tapes to get the money. Rush Limbaugh needed this incident on his background check if he ever hopes to own a National Football League team.
HBO's Game Change stars Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin Sunday. She was the perfect foil for Joe Biden. During the VP debate when Joe and Sarah got their first question on credit default swaps they brought their spouses on stage and said they were open to anything.
President Obama won the Oklahoma Democratic primary Tuesday with only fifty-seven percent of the vote. He didn't carry one county last election. Oklahoma has the third best record in college football and Obama sounds too much like Go Bama for Sooner fans.
The Indianapolis Colts parted with Peyton Manning on Tuesday. The club owed him a thirty million dollar bonus but his neck is broken. The Colts were able to find one insurer, Mutual of Sicily, but it would look bad if no one ever laid a hand on Peyton again.
Super Tuesday went well for Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and even Ron Paul. Each candidate did just well enough to stay in the race. If Jesus returned to Earth today and offered Republicans just one miracle they'd ask him to winnow the field.
President Obama blamed high gas prices on Republican war talk Wednesday. Last night a robbery victim arrived at the Hollywood police station too shaken to talk. The police sketch artist drew a picture of the robbery suspect and it was a Chevron pump.
China's president Hu Jintao blasted a bill in Congress that allows for higher tariffs on Chinese goods. It could start a trade war. It's the most belligerent U.S. act since George Bush stood in front of the Great Wall of China and urged Hu Jin Tao to tear down this wall.
President Obama urged patience with Iran in a speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee on Saturday. This week he's a peacemaker. When you just compared yourself in your last speech to Gandhi and Nelson Mandela, even expecting someone to deliver you a pizza within thirty minutes is an act of imperialism.
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Powerball Lottery officials announced Tuesday eighty-one year-old Rhode Islander Louise White won the lottery with a ticket she bought in Newport. Three hundred and sixty-four million dollars was won by an eighty-one-year-old woman. She is set for life.
NBC star Alec Baldwin left the door open for a future New York Mayor's run on CNN's Piers Morgan. If terrorists attacked the city, he wouldn't walk the streets with a mask over his face like Rudy Giuliani did. Actors can't stand it when people don't recognize them.
Newt Gingrich won the Georgia primary Tuesday, scoring well with all campaign focus groups. The only voter group he lost was the voters who are looking for the man with the highest moral character. As always, they wrote in Jesus.
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