Yesterday was a bittersweet time in our household. You see, it marked the second anniversary of our marriage. I just don’t understand why I am always offered congratulations and my wife is offered condolences. It really isn’t that funny. Personally I tend to think of myself as an above-average husband. I occasionally help around the house, wash clothes, and even cook upon occasion. In all honesty, it may not be often that I do some of these things, it just seems like she doesn’t appreciate my willingness to help, when I do. I just don’t understand why she gets so irritated when I ask a few routine questions while she is trying to get ready for company coming over such as “tell me again where do we keep the vacuum? How do you empty the canister? “Honey, the belt came off what do I do now?” Much the same thing can be said of my willingness to wash clothes. She says on her way out the door as she is leaving for work, “Would you wash a load of clothes?”, and I respond with an immediate, “Sure, just tell me how you want me to sort it, what detergent you want me to use, what setting do I put it on, what am I supposed to dry and not dry and how long do I set the dryer for?” See, now most men wouldn’t have a clue to ask those pertinent questions. I am pretty proud of myself for knowing to ask those things. Again, above-average, that’s me, but all I get is a slightly miffed “Never mind, I will do it myself!” response. In the cooking department, the same scenario seems to be repeated. Women are just different from men. To me the logical place to put a skillet would be on the stove if you are going to use it frequently. Why would you hide it behind a door in one of the cabinets? I counted and there are twenty-two doors in our kitchen. How can she expect me to remember what door the skillet is hidden behind? It’s like some cruel game show. Now don’t even get me started on all the spices, condiments, flour sugar, and the rest of the stuff, as there are eleven drawers in addition to the other twenty-two doors. So sure, I have to ask her a few questions. “Where is the skillet, salt, pepper, oil, whisk, bowls, plates, etc.?” - just basic questions, and I don’t think it is my fault that it takes me forty-five minutes to cook scrambled eggs when she asks me to make breakfast. She should know after two years of marriage that my A.D.D is going to kick in when I go to the computer to look up the recipe and I am going to be distracted by Facebook.
In addition to the above, I have the traditional things that I do around the house such as mowing, trimming, and repairing various things. I will have to admit that on the “manly” things my skills may not be quite as adept as some of my friends. Knowing that I may be distracted by social media, I usually have to call my friend Larry and ask “Hey Larry, on this sockety wrench type plier thingy, to unscrew something it’s righty tighty, lefty loosey, correct? I know you are busy this week and probably wouldn’t have time to come over and help me this week, but if you aren’t too busy….I think with the help of this 45 minute video that I can figure out how to change the battery, but it doesn’t tell me how to open the car hood.”
Now you see, most men wouldn’t admit they can’t do things such as that. Not me! I know my limitations. I think the mark of a real man, is knowing when to ask for help. Gosh, in my opinion, my wife got a real catch!
Disclaimer: Some of the points in the story above may have been loosely interpreted or artistic license taken with facts. To ensure that there will be future anniversaries, I want to say that my wife is extremely proud of her husband and appreciates all that said buffoon does and attempts to do.