My wife can’t figure out why I never remember which way the toilet paper is suppose to be put on the holder. I can’t figure out why she would think that I would remember. There’s no clever saying such as, “Righty tighty, lefty loosey”, to recall when unscrewing a lid. By the way, my wife has trouble remembering that one.  There is no correct way to put the toilet paper on the spindle. This has been a conundrum for as long as there has been a roll of toilet paper. I have no trouble getting it off the roll whether it is coming off the top, the bottom or if it’s even on the spindle. I have much more important things to remember and my hard drive only has so much available space.

As I said in my second sentence before my brain got side tracked, I can’t imagine why she would think that I would recollect a useless bit of trivia about which way to load the toilet paper when I can’t remember things such as filling the car up with gas before we go out of town, forgetting one out of three things that I went to the store for, and forgetting why I went out to the freezer. I can’t recall my bank account number, passwords or pin numbers. Most of the time, when I get in my car, I realize that I have forgotten something in the house.  By the time I get back inside, I am distracted by something else that I have forgotten and can’t recall what the original item was that I came back into the house for.

My wife seems to think that this is selective memory. I can’t remember that the toilet paper comes down from the top, yet I miraculously seem to be able to recall lyrics to songs from decades gone by, lines from movies, times from races of twenty plus years and the age old question of why fire engines are red. In case you are wondering why fire engines are red is, that books are read too. Two times six is twelve. Twelve inches is a foot and a foot is a ruler. Queen Mary was a ruler, but Queen Mary was also a ship. Ships sail the seas. The seas have fish. Fish have fins and the Finns fought the Russians and since fire engines are rushin, fire engines are red. (As said in Oklahoma, “Where is that fire engine rushin’ to?”)

I possess a 1955 model memory with very little ram left and it is non-upgradeable. The need to protect that space is as precious as life itself.  If any terrorist were to ever kidnap me and my family and our freedom depended on me remembering what the last song on side two from the 1967 Disraeli Gears album with Eric Clapton is, or even remembering the words to that song, we will be free as birds. To heck with remembering about toilet paper! I’m more about protecting my family. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!