Many people have written about the perspective of old age — certainly when they reach what they think is old age!
This past spring, Rabbi Joshua Haberman, upon his 90th birthday, delivered the following remarks to the congregation in Washington, D.C., he helped lead for more than 40 years.
I think you will agree that he has a wonderful outlook. I’m sure he is highly revered by the people who know him. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list, but it exposes us to his positive outlook about the benefits of growing old.
“First is the gain of tranquility. All the important decisions have been made in earlier years. I have wrestled with my vocational choice, searched for a suitable spouse, created a home, raised children, established myself in my career and have no more need to prove myself. I have walked the walk, had my failures and successes. All the pressures have eased. I am more relaxed than ever. I take my afternoon naps and what a joy to find on my calendar empty pages with nothing to do.
“A second gain was defined by Plato more than 2 millennia ago: The cooling of passion. You might call it the doctrine of insignificance. If a matter is not truly significant or important, don’t fret, don’t worry and don’t get yourself worked up. Ignore it! We get less frantic, less pushy in advanced age. Sean O’Casey wrote in his 80s: ‘One likes to sit back and let the world turn by itself without trying to push it.’
“Age does not render us indifferent to the world’s problems, to the ills of society, to the suffering and unhappiness of people around us. But the experience of a long life teaches us that not all problems can be solved. And certainly, not by ourselves.
“As President Obama admitted, ‘There is no quick fix for the world’s economic crisis.’ The politics of the Middle East will fester for a long time to come. Some of our intimately personal problems have no solution. All we can and must do is endure, which we are better able to do in old age than in our younger years.
“The third gain that comes with old age is what I call ‘the art of submission.’ The poetess Anne Marx learned it when undergoing cancer treatment: ‘The force beyond was now in charge of my fate,’ she wrote. ‘I have become a submitter.’ There are passages in life you cannot control. You must submit, let go, accept the unalterable. If you cannot change a health, family or financial problem, change your attitude. Stop fighting. Accept what must be and strangely, this kind of surrender to the unchangeable is conducive to peace of mind.
“The fourth gift harvested in old age is liberation from the compulsion or urge of setting everyone else straight. I am no longer looking to win every argument. The intensity of your conviction is no proof that you are right. More often than before, it occurs to me that I might be wrong, that I don’t have all the answers. I have learned to listen more and talk less. I am less dismissive of opinions I disagree with, more willing to consider the merits of the other side. Shall I say it marks a growth, however modest, of humility?
“The fifth dividend of old age is greater appreciation and gratitude. I have become more attentive to old and new friends. More often than before I keep in touch with old friends and reach out to new, especially, younger people. And, at my age, that means just about everyone else. I take to heart Samuel Johnson’s remark at 75: ‘I look upon every day to be lost in which I do not make a new acquaintance.’ In response to all the bad news in the world, I make a deliberate effort to be thankful for small favors, the courteous driver, the bank teller’s cheerful greeting, the mail carrier’s conscientiousness, the kindness of good neighbors and my doctor’s unfailingly prompt response to my call. I have discovered the truth of the opening words of Psalm 92: ‘It is good to give thanks.’
“Giving thanks is the most effective and harmless mood-changer — the best antidote to cynicism and pessimism. Earlier in life, with many years to look forward to, I felt like a millionaire in time, freely spending and wasting it. Now, that my supply of time has shrunk, I appreciate far more each day, each hour, every bit of new knowledge and every moment with people I care for.
“The sixth and most important gain is more involvement with three generations of my family — children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Best of all is my love affair with a married woman — Maxine, my wife and my severest critic and yet, unfailing support in almost 65 years of marriage. What a blessing to be together each day. I say of Maxine, as did Akiba about his beloved Rachel: ‘Whatever I am, I owe to her.’”
I challenge you to, upon reflection, discover the benefits of your own age.
Provided by Adult Day Services Inc.
