CAUTION: This article contains spoilers. If you haven’t seen the new Star Trek film, don’t read this article. Unless you’re one of those people who like spoilers, in which case go ahead and read it, it’s a free country. Also, please keep in mind that this article is a follow-up to the one I wrote a few weeks ago before I’d actually seen this film. If you didn’t get the chance to read it, it’s now available online at www.ardmoreite.com, under the “Geek” tab on the main page.
Now that the disclaimers are all out of the way, let’s get right into it, shall we? Before we continue, I want this to be absolutely, positively clear. I thought the new Star Trek movie was awesome, and I recommend everyone go and see it as soon as possible. Yes, there were parts of the film I didn’t agree with, but all things considered it was an incredible cinematic experience. It’s breathing new life into a once-dying franchise even as I write this, and I have no doubt that every comic book and sci-fi convention I attend later this year will be littered with Star Fleet uniforms, plastic model tricorders and pointy prosthetic ears. In fact, I wouldn’t be going out on a limb by saying this is the best Star Trek film since Star Trek: First Contact came out way back in 1996.
However, all this praise doesn’t mean I thought it was flawless. I had some problems with the casting, just as I had predicted in my previous article, although they weren’t the problems I thought I’d have. Chris Pine (as much as it pains me to admit this) actually made a pretty good Kirk. Zachary Quinto as Spock was spot-on, and Karl Urban as Bones McCoy quickly became my favorite character in the film. No, my issues with this film mostly come from the supporting cast.
Beginning fanboy rant in 3, 2, 1…
John Cho was a terrible Sulu for one simple reason; Sulu is not and will never be a sword-wielding super ninja. Ever. Not in a million light-years. Anton Yelchin was a terrible Chekov because he couldn’t act, and over-accentuated every single stinking syllable in his script. And speaking of stereotypes, Zoe Saldana’s portrayal of Uhura, well, it just made me sad. Uhura used to stand for equality, of both race and gender, and now she’s been reduced to Spock’s one-dimensional arm candy. In reality, my nerd rage should probably be pointed more toward the writers who came up with these versions of the characters instead of the actors, but it’s too late to look back now.
I had other problems with the film as well. Like the over-the-top brawl between the giant ice lizard thing and the even larger giant ice lizard thing, a battle which served no purpose but to show off Paramount’s newest CGI technology. And don’t get me started on the Lovecraftian Romulan mining vessel, which just happened to have enough cluster-bomb torpedoes on it to take out a small solar system despite it not even being a war vessel. Oh, and beaming somebody across the galaxy in the blink of an eye? Did somebody say “plot device”, Scotty?
