What, if anything, should I deduce from this, regarding your patriotism?

It was about halfway through the preacher’s sermon when a bubbly soundtrack began chirping from someone’s purse in the last row.

Did you ever think citizens of the entire country would become Wall Street analysts?

Did you think we would wake up each morning asking the following questions: What do I want for breakfast? Where are my shoes? What is the price of a barrel of oil going to be today?

I have good news today for the edgy people out there, the embittered, the dark, the endarkened, the snarky, the snippy, the snooty, the ensnarkened, the tragically comic, the comically tragic and everyone that I am related to or friends with.

The other day I actually used the phrase, “Do you kids think I’m made of money?” And I did it without even a hint of irony — I was genuinely wondering what could have given my children, ages 6 and 9, the idea that I had the expendable income to afford, say, a hot tub, or a wall-mounted HDTV, or gas.

Al Gore has announced his endorsement of Barack Obama for president. And in other news, the sky is blue.

To hear some people, talking on a cell phone while driving is as easy as walking and chewing gum.

Republicans talk too much about religion, and Democrats don't talk about it enough. That's one way to read two new polls examining the connection between religion and politics in this year's election.

Americans want leaders who are inspired by religion but not consumed by it. They don't want a secularist in the White House, but they don't want a crusader, either. The president should practice his faith, but with humility, not rigidity. And both parties are having trouble reconciling those impulses.

God bless America, and how's everybody?

Idaho Ku Klux Klan leader Shaun Winkler announced he will run for Bonner County sheriff in May. His timing was bad. Right now everyone thinks that anyone who wears a hood is protesting racial profiling in Florida, so he'll have trouble getting his message out.

India's Elite Football league was founded Friday, consisting of players from India. It's all made possible by cell phone technology. Eighty thousand fans in the stadium can continue to answer technical support calls from America while they're watching the game.

God bless America, and how's everybody?

Tim Tebow was welcomed at Jets headquarters Friday where the team assigned Tim a chaperone to help him adjust to New York. He'll find the churches breathtaking. There was only one statue of the Blessed Virgin where he went to school in Florida and it's of him.

Whitney Houston's autopsy report found cocaine in her system Thursday but ruled that she drowned in her hotel bathtub. It's sad. The first thing they teach in California physical education class is never go swimming until thirty minutes after you've done cocaine.